


What's Another Word For...

by phdmama



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Ridiculousness, Smut, sort of canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-03
Updated: 2016-12-03
Packaged: 2018-09-06 03:22:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8732833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phdmama/pseuds/phdmama
Summary: What happens when Harry goes on Tumblr.





	

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ!!! This is NOT referencing ANY actual fic and is in NO WAY meant to be making fun of or disrespecting ANYONE'S WORK (except perhaps my own). This is an exaggeration! Satire! Not to be taken seriously! (And it also was reminding me of all those awful Harlequin romances I read in the 80s.)
> 
> As always, I own none of these characters, and ask that you always respect the 4th wall!
> 
> I blame the lovely munchkinmom77 as well.
> 
> Feel free to come say [ hi on Tumblr.](http://phd-mama.tumblr.com/) Please leave a comment or kudos if you enjoy this - they really make my day!!

Louis kicked off his shoes by the front door of their Queens apartment and tossed his coat over the newel of the bannister. He loved this house, loved coming home from a day in the studio or from Liam’s after a long day of meetings or song writing. He loved being able to leave Louis TomlinsonTM at the door, loved being able to sink back into being just plain Lou. He loved coming home to dinner on the table, a fire in the fireplace, and most of all, he loved coming home to Harry.

Speaking of which, where was his better half? The man of his dreams? His soul mate? The joy in his heart, the fire in his loins, the pain in his ass? He could smell something delicious wafting from the kitchen, but the apartment was silent. He wandered into the living room, noting that Harry had obviously turned on the fireplace earlier, but he wasn’t in his usual position on the couch (usual that is, unless he had been hit by a lightening bolt of ambition and was in the kitchen attempting to cook something amazing). Harry, after the intensity and rush of filming, had embraced both the spirit and the letter of the hiatus. He was cooking, reading, doing a lot of yoga and just generally taking time to stop and smell the roses. Louis, on the other hand, when he could avoid the absolute clusterfuck of his public persona, was deep into writing with Liam, and they’d even started recording some songs. But always, at the center of things, as it had been for the last 6 years, was Harry.

“Harry, baby? Where are you?” Louis called out, wondering if he should start feeling concerned.

“I’m in here!” Harry appeared in the doorway of the small office which overlooked the lights of the Manhattan skyline.

They converged behind the sofa, where Harry pulled Louis into a tight embrace and a very thorough kiss. More thorough than was typical for a couple who’d been together for 6 years.

Louis pulled back, raised on eyebrow, and said, “Not that I don’t love the welcome, darling, but...what’s up?” He looked at Harry more closely. “Are you okay? You look a little flushed.”

He reached up to feel Harry’s forehead, the habits of so many years of big brother-ing too deeply ingrained to ignore. Harry swatted his hand away with a grin. 

“I’m fine, babe. I’m not running a fever, I promise you.” He gave a sheepish smile. “I kind of…” his voice trailed off and Louis stared, wondering what on earth he’d been doing.

Harry ran a hand through his hair, still so unfamiliarly short. “I kinda went on Tumblr.”

Louis dropped his bag with a sigh. “Harry. We’ve talked about this.”

“I know, I know!” Harry gave his trademark Harry StylesTM dimpled smile and Louis poked him.

“You know that doesn’t work on me, babe.”

Harry smiled again, a more genuine smile this time, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “So...I went on Tumblr.” He sighed. “And then, you know how I follow some of the big Larries?”

Louis could hear the -ie ending in Harry’s voice. “Yeah, I know.”

“Well,” an almost indescribable look crossed Harry’s face. “There were some…recommendations.”

Louis frowned. “Recommendations? For what?”

Harry sighed. “Fanfic, Lou.”

Louis froze. “Harry. HARRY.”

This was one of those areas in life where they’d agreed to disagree. Like beer vs. wine or real vs. fake Christmas trees, Louis had to acknowledge that different opinions weren’t always WRONG.  And, Louis had no problem with the whole concept of fan art and writing, but he just. It made him feel  a little bit weird, so he preferred to let it live in a different universe from the one in which he dwelled. He wasn’t morally opposed to the idea of people picturing him naked or creating art around that image. Louis had a healthy appreciation for his own body and human sexuality in general. He just liked to rely on his own imagination a bit more. But Harry, on the other hand. Harry would get into moods. Harry would go on Tumblr. And then he’d get onto AO3 and it would all be over, as far as Louis was concerned. They’d have to cancel all obligations for a minimum of 48 hours so that Harry could have his way with Louis. He’d been known to stop whatever debauchery it was they’d been engaged in so he could leap out of bed and grab his Kindle to read Louis the relevant passage.

Louis went over the next couple of days’ schedule in his mind. Other than that meeting with Simon, there wasn’t anything too critical that couldn’t be shifted.

“And,” Harry shifted closer, his hand reaching out to snag the curve of Louis’s hip. “I just thought..maybe I should write some?”

“What?” Louis gaped at Harry. Like, actually full-on, mouth open, gaped. “What? What the fuck are you talking about, Styles?”

Harry snorted. “I was reading this fic and it was..well actually it was pretty bad.” He frowned for a moment, clearly uncomfortably with judging the merit of another person’s artistic endeavor. “I mean, good for them for trying and putting it out there, you know? But I started thinking about all the cliches and tropes. And then.” Here his smile turned sheepish. “I just thought it would be funny to write something.”

Confused, Louis stared at him. “What, like, a fanfic? About us?”   


“Yes! And like...I don’t think I could do better? But I could totally do worse. So that’s what I tried.”

Completely endeared, Louis raised his hand to Harry’s cheek. “You are a complete, fucking nutjob, darling. You know that, right?”

Harry laughed. “Yes, Louis, I know that.”

Louis leaned in to kiss him, just because he could. Because Harry was right here, right in front of him, looking so flustered and so fluffy. “So, let’s see it then, this terrible fic that you’re writing.”

Interestingly, Harry flushed. “Um. Well. I don’t know if it’s ready.”

Louis’s jaw dropped. “Harry. HARRY! C’mon. It’s you and me. The dream team. The unbeatable duo. The unbreakable vow. We’re fucking engaged, Harry. I want to see the porn you wrote about me.”

Harry smacked him half-heartedly. “Fine. But if you laugh at me, you’re eating leftovers for dinner. COLD.”

Louis placed a hand over his heart. “I would never, Harry. When have I ever laughed at you?”

Harry stared at him. “This morning, when I tripped over the shoes. Or last week, when I tried to make that cake from beans? And you told me it tasted like feet? Or when Niall and I went to the Paint and Pour place and you told me my drawing looked like Totoro? Or…” Louis pressed a hand over Harry’s mouth because, okay, Harry did have a point. Louis did laugh at Harry a lot. But, he thought defensively, certainly no more than he laughed at himself. 

“I just,” here Harry gave an uncertain smile, “Like, writing stories is hard. Some of these writers are so incredible, Lou. I’m not trying to do anything like that! I just, I was having fun and it was making me laugh. So don’t...don’t tease me about that, okay?”

Louis felt his face crease into his Harry smile. “Darling. Of course not. Are you going to show me?” Harry tugged Louis into the office, and gently pushed him into the chair in front of the desktop, where a Google document was open.

_Louis walked into the club. He was small. He was curvy. He was built out of curves. His curves went on for days and days. So many curves._  

Louis snorted. The fandom certainly appreciated his curves (and his ass). He had to admit, he could see why. 

_ The globes of his ass jiggled like jello as he stalked across the floor in his skinny jeans and deep red t-shirt. The t-shirt that showed off his lickable collarbones. So lickable. It was a travesty that no one was licking his collarbones right now. _

“Why do they all love that shirt so much?” 

Harry looked startled. “Because, have you seen those gifs of yourself, Louis? C’mon.”

Shaking his head, Louis continued reading. 

_ As he crossed the floor, suddenly, he saw HIM standing there. He was tall. He had curly hair. “Hey Curly,” Louis said, “want to get out of here?” Five minutes later, they were making out in the cab. _

“What? Harry - where’s the plot? Who is this guy? What is even going on here?”

Harry shrugged. “I just wanted to get to the smut.”

“Oh my god,” Louis muttered. “I’m really starting to get nervous now. Where is this going?”

_The taller man pressed Louis into the cushion of the back seat of the cab. His very very pink lips looked delicious. So Louis licked them. All of a sudden, something occurred to him. “What’s your name, Curly?” he asked the younger boy, glancing seductively up through his endlessly long eyelashes._  

_ “M’name’s Harry,” the curly boy slurred, green eyes crinkling in amusement, overcome with passion. He leaned down to down to kiss the smaller lad. The kiss became so heated as Harry thrust his tongue all around Louis’s mouth.  Then he took one of his very large, huge hands and carefully cupped Louis’s globes. _

_ “I want you to fuck me.” Louis yowled. _

“What?" Louis frowned. “Harry, these guys just met! Where is the developing relationship? What message are you sending to our younger fans??”

_ Suddenly the cab stopped. The two men got out. They went into the house. Then, Harry grabbed Louis again! And hoisted him up! So Louis wrapped his legs around Harry’s waist. Because Harry was so strong. And so much bigger than him. Louis sucked bruise after bruise into Harry’s bulging biceps as Harry toted him into the bedroom.  _

Louis glanced at Harry and raised one eyebrow. “Can’t say I blame anyone for the focus on your biceps, baby. They’re…” he licked his lips and let his gaze run over Harry’s body. “They’re really very nice.”

_ Harry tossed Louis onto the bed. Louis’s ass jiggled again. So Harry smacked it. Louis moaned. He felt intoxicated at the sight of Harry’s endless pins as Harry took off his skinny jeans. _

“Here’s the thing,” Louis mused, “Almost no one ever points out how fucking hard it is to get out of those fucking jeans, man. Like, you legit fall over almost every time.” 

Harry snorted, “Well, if they could see you and how you have to lie down and have me peel you out of them, they might not think it was so sexy!”

“Hey,” Louis frowned, “You didn’t seem to think it was unsexy last night!”

Harry shrugged, “Louis, pretty much the only time I don’t find you sexy is when you have the stomach flu. So your argument is invalid. Anyway, keep reading! You’re getting to the good part!”

_ Harry pressed Louis into the mattress with his long, endless, toned body. He’d been working out a lot, so he was really toned. Louis could feel his manhood pressing into the core of his being. His own lovestick throbbed in response. Soon he was going to CUM. He knew it. “Harry,” the smaller boy screamed, “Touch my masculinity! It’s swollen with passion for you!” _

_ Harry wailed in response. “Now I’m going to lick your pulsing lovepump, Louis!” _

“Nice alliteration.”

“Thanks.”

_ Harry suddenly slurped on Louis’s meat lolly and Louis could tell this would soon be over.  _

_ “Unleash your passion into my mouth, Louis!” And so Louis did. _

_ “Swallow my essence, Harry! Take it all!” And so Harry did. Louis pumped several cups of his seed into Harry’s waiting mouth. After what felt like an eternity but was probably really only about 37 seconds, Louis sat up and said demurely, “Oh my, how rude I’m being. Can I help you?” He stared suggestively at Harry’s one-eyed snake.  _

_ Louis wrapped his teeny, tiny hand around Harry’s ginormous member. He moved his hand up and down. And then up and down some more. Soon his wrist was aching. BUT IT WAS SO WORTH IT. Harry was moaning and wiggling as he thrust his gleaming love sword through Louis’s terribly small hands. Suddenly he was painting Louis’s petite digits with swaths of CUM. His bottle green eyes met Louis’s cerulean blue eyes and they both smiled. At each other. _

_Afterwards, Harry decided to make Louis breakfast because he could just tell that Louis was a giant man-child and could not cook anything but cold cereal, which you don’t even cook, you just add milk.  As they sat naked in the kitchen, Louis took a_ _bite of the thick, juicy sausage, moaning as it spurted down his throat, swallowing every drop of the hot, salty liquid._  

Louis read the last line and stared at Harry, who was staring back, snickering. “Wow, Harry, I’m not sure I’ve ever read an orgasm being used as a metaphor for something else.”

Harry burst out laughing. “I know, it’s so terrible.”

“It’s so terrible it’s actually kind of genius,” Louis admitted. “God, it’d be hysterical to put it out there on Tumblr and see what the response is.”

Harry rolled his eyes. “Yeah, that’s not going to happen. Are you hungry? Dinner should be ready in about a half hour.”

As Louis gazed over his shoulder at Harry, he was suddenly flooded with affection for this man, this sweet, smart, funny, sarcastic, humble man. “I love you, Harry.”   


Harry paused his chatter about the chicken dish he’d invented, and smiled gently. “I love you too, baby.” Louis let his gaze roam over Harry, and snickered, remembering the fiction he’d just read. Harry quirked one eyebrow as Louis stood and moved closer to him.

“So toned, Harry. God I love your…” he paused, trying to remember the exact wording. Oh yes. “Your endless pins. So sexy.” He wrapped his arms around Harry and pressed close against him. “Do you wanna take me to bed, boyfriend?” He began kissing his way along Harry’s jaw until he got to that spot under Harry’s ear that always made him hard. 

Harry tightened his arms around Louis and growled into his ear, “Fiancé, Lou. Fiancé.” Harry’s head tilted to the side as Louis began working his way down. 

“Your collarbones are pretty lickable too,” Louis whispered as he drew his tongue down the cords that were now standing out in stark relief on Harry’s neck, alternating licks and sharp nips, just the way he knew Harry liked it.

Suddenly, Harry hauled Louis up even closer against him, and without thinking, Louis wrapped his legs around Harry’s waist as he stumbled them out of the office. Louis wondered if Harry was actually going to attempt the stairs, but then Harry paused and turned sharply, pressing Louis up against the wall as Louis slid down to balance on one leg, keeping the other leg wound firmly around Harry. This wasn’t his first rodeo, he knew how this was going to go.

“I can feel your…” he choked on his own laughter, “I can feel your throbbing manhood, Harry.” His head tilted back as Harry went to work on his neck, “Fuck, baby.”

Harry paused and pulled away long enough to strip Louis’s t-shirt off over his head and toss his own shirt aside, before leaning back in to capture Louis’s mouth in a long, deep kiss. 

Breathless, Louis marveled at how, after so many years together, Harry could still get him this wound up with a few looks and kisses. He could feel his own cock, hard in his jeans as Harry moved against him, his back pressed against the cool wall. They kissed frantically for several moments and then Harry pulled back and pressed his forehead against Louis’s. 

“What do you want right now, baby?”  

His hands toyed with the button on Louis’s jeans and Louis groaned as Harry’s hands,  _ his huge very large hands _ , brushed over the heavy ridge of his erection. 

“Want you to fuck me, baby.” Harry pressed down harder and Louis’s hips jerked involuntarily. “Want you to thrust that massive love sword into my pleasure cavern.”

“You’re gonna have to stop talking like that,” Harry hissed out between gritted teeth, “If you want my love sword anywhere near your cavern.” 

Louis choked on his laughter as Harry got to work peeling him out of his jeans, and then yanked his own pants down so his  _ pleasure missile _ stood at attention, brushing against Louis’s stomach. Then Harry spun him around so he was facing the wall, and dropped to his knees, and Louis stopped laughing.

Harry leaned in, pressing kisses against the small of Louis’s back, running his hands lightly over the curve of Louis’s ass. “You clean, baby?”

Louis nodded into the wall, “I worked out after I finished at Liam’s, showered at the gym, FUCK,” his voice rang out as Harry, without warning, spread his glutes open and licked a hot stripe down between them. Then he began running his finger lightly over the edge of Louis’s entrance, and Louis shivered.  

“Get to work there, Styles,” he muttered, “Use your tongue like God intended.”

Harry gave a shout of laughter, and then said, “As you wish,” and began to eat Louis out in earnest. 

The sounds he made were obscene and Louis felt himself grow impossibly harder as Harry worked him over, moaning occasionally as he licked and sucked. Suddenly he stopped and stood up, knee joints cracking as Louis groaned at the loss of contact.

“What the fuck, why’d you stop, baby? Feels so good.”

“Gotta get...gotta….” Harry’s voice trailed off, and Louis turned to look at him. He was looking as wrecked as Louis felt, and Louis appreciated, yet again, the chemistry between them that allowed each of them to get off on getting the other off. “Gotta get lube, baby. I’m not gonna last long like this, gotta get you prepped.”

He rooted around in the drawer of the side table and Louis wondered for a moment why there might be lube in there, but when Harry straightened up with a smug grin, he stopped questioning and just gave thanks. 

“Your fingernails trimmed, babe?”

Harry just rolled his eyes at him with affection. “What do you take me for, Tomlinson, some amateur? I know what I’m doing.”

Louis turned back towards the wall and braced himself on his forearms. “Well, have at it, Styles. Show me what that velvet-wrapped steel rod can do.”

Harry paused. “I’m really starting to get concerned, Louis. How many euphemisms do you have?” 

Louis heard the click of the flip-top being opened, and he shivered as Harry slicked up his fingers.

As Harry began to press into him, Louis took a deep breath and willed his body to open. “I happen to have a….fuck, that’s so good, baby, a strong academic interest in the johnson, shit shit right there, and a large vocab-” he broke off with a hoarse moan as Harry gave a self-satisfied hum as he nailed Louis’s prostate dead-on. 

“Good?” he asked as Louis began pushing back against him, unable to keep his hips from rocking.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he heard himself chanting as he worked himself open on Harry’s hand, “Oh fuck, baby, that’s so good…” After several more minutes, and two more fingers, Harry pulled out. “I’m ready, c’mon, fuck me now, babe, fill me up.”

Harry groaned, “Jesus, your mouth, Lou.” He slicked himself up and as he pressed into Louis, they both moaned. 

For a several minutes the only sounds between them were the slapping of flesh on flesh and the soft  _ uh-uh-uhs _ being dragged from Louis as Harry fucked him hard against the wall. And then, he couldn’t help himself.

Torn between arousal and amusement, Louis said, “Harry, fuck, c’mon, grab my joystick.” 

Harry slowed his movements and said, “You. You did not just say that.”

Louis pulled Harry’s hand from where it was clutching his hip and wrapped it around his cock. “C’mon, baby, thrust your love spear into my furled opening.” 

Louis could feel Harry’s body shaking as he tried not to laugh. “Louis, goddamn it.”  

Louis looked over his shoulder at Harry, who seemed about to lose it. “I’m sorry, babe. Were you about to,” he squeezed his glutes around Harry who was still balls-deep within him, who groaned in response, his hips snapping once, “were you about to reach your, you know, climax?”

“I’ll climax you,” Harry threatened incoherently as Louis turned back around and Harry set to fucking him hard again. His hand still wrapped around Louis, Harry began jacking him off ruthlessly as he chased his own orgasm. “Clearly, if you can still think about this, I’m doing it wrong.”

Louis let the feelings in his body take over, the sensation of Harry pressed up against him, engulfing him and fucking him hard, nailing his prostate as often as not, sending jolts of pleasure through him, his big hand slick with lube, creating the perfect friction for his cock. He could hear Harry’s grunts as he thrust, and all too soon, felt that sensation deep within him, loving the way the tension built and built until suddenly, it snapped, sending his hips flying as he came with a groan, spilling over Harry’s hand. That seemed to be all Harry needed, and he gave a loud, guttural moan as he came hard into Louis, his body freezing as he rode out his orgasm, bracing himself against the wall.

After a moment, Harry pressed a soft kiss between Louis’s shoulder blades, and pulled out. Louis made a face at the sensation, and turned around. “Your seed is spilling out of me, baby.” 

“Jesus Christ!” Harry turned away in amused exasperation. “I should never have let you read that thing, should I? Damn it, you came all over the wall, too. Lou.”

“Sorry,” said Louis, completely unrepentant. “I’ll clean it up in a bit. I want a shower now.” He stretched, feeling delightfully loose and limber. “Totally worth it though.”

As Harry laughed, and wrapped an arm around him to pull him upstairs to the shower, Louis couldn’t help the smile that crossed his face. 

This scene was **so** going in his next fic.


End file.
